One, Two, Three… Jump!

Jump photographyFakefunk Jump Project:

I like jump pictures. For starters, it’s been a long time since any of us jumped for anything. I think people make funny faces when they jump (I on the other hand, usually sport a crazy manipulated smile from years of cheerleading and dance competitions). I also think it’s funny to see how people realize a jump; I have seen some of the strangest aerial positions ever witnessed when I do jump sessions with friends. Lastly, jumping makes people smile. Harking back to childhood memories of moon bounces and cannonballs into the pool, people almost always laugh after a good jump session.

This is a great idea.

How Not To Write An Essay

Gold compared to Steel White TableFrom EssayGenerator.com, which Makes an essay on anything. Different every time!, an essay on steel white table:

Let us commence a journey into the much travelled topic of steel white table. At one stage or another, every man woman or child will be faced with the issue of steel white table. Cited by many as the single most important influence on post modern micro eco compartmentalism, it is important to remember that “what goes up must come down.” It is estimated that steel white table is thought about eight times every day by so called ‘babies’, many of whom fail to comprehend the full scope of steel white table.
To conclude steel white table has, and will continue to be a major building block for the world in which we live. It collaborates successfully, invades where necessary and is always fashionably late.
I’ll leave you with this quote from Mariah Garfunkel: ‘I demand steel white table, nothing more nothing less.’

French Film Isn’t French

Film made in France ruled not French:

The film, which lands in theatres in North America on Friday, was shot in France using French actors and a French crew.
However, the administrative court ruled that the film does not qualify as Gallic because the production company behind A Very Long Engagement, 2003 Productions, is backed by the Hollywood studio Warner Bros.

(via Dave Barry’s Blog)

Changing A Two Week Old Baby’s Diaper

My wife changes most of Iain‘s diapers because she spends the most time with him; however, I get called into duty a couple of times a day; it ain’t pretty.

The smallest diaper you can buy is about the size of a maxi pad1. They have cartoon characters on the front for some idiotic reason (the kid’s two weeks old; he ONLY cares about eating, sleeping, and having someone burp him. I know, it’s more for parents than babies, but still…) and tabs on the side which hold the diaper in place.

If you’ve never seen a new born’s bowel movements, be prepared: at first, it’s like tar. I’m not kidding. After awhile it starts changing colour: black, yellow, green… I haven’t seen brown yet.

ANYWAY…

You want to change a baby’s diaper as quick as possible to reduce their discomfort: being unwrapped from warm, snuggly pajamas, and wiped with cold hands and cloths is not, I imagine, a pleasant experience; and baby’s can be loud. They also don’t breath when they wail, or at least, to a worried parent it doesn’t seem like they breath.

There are a few things one must do before changing their diaper:

  1. Have a soft, open space available where you can lay the baby down, with nothing nearby that the baby can grab and or accidently hit itself on (like toys, harmless as they seem: new born babies don’t give a damn about toys).
  2. Have an open diaper handy.
  3. Have a moist cloth (preferably warmed) handy.
  4. Have a zinc oxide cream handy (lid opened, too). I’ve been told to smear this stuff on all around their bum to help prevent a rash there.
  5. Have a place to put dirty diaper. Floor is not a good place: it WILL get stepped on. Close to baby is not a good place: the baby WILL grab it and try to use it as a blanket.
  6. Know how to put diaper on. Practice on a doll if you haven’t done it before. I didn’t practice. First, figure out how the tabs work, how it attaches to the baby. It ain’t rocket science. Learn the difference between the front and back. The cartoon characters go on the front. Learn how tight to apply the tabs; they must be tight enough to keep the diaper on; don’t be chicken!
  7. Learn how to button up the babies pajamas before unbuttoning it.

The most important lesson: NEVER complain about changing the baby’s diaper: it’s the LEAST you, as a dad, can do.

1While searching for how to spell maxi pad (I thought it was hypenated), I stumbled upon Maxi Pad Slippers.

K-Tel Records

K-tel record coverK-Tel Classics, a collection of record covers produced by K-Tel (yeah, they’re still in business). From Super70s.com:

Between 1971 and 1985, K-Tel International blessed us with inexpensive records filled to the brim with the best music they could license. Well, that’s one way to put it.

I’m afraid to admit how many of their records I once owned.