In the meantime, I’ll be reviewing a bottle of something called Hobgoblin, which I’ll probably post some time tooday.

1) Describe what it looks like and smells like — even better if you know all the beer terminology like “hoppy overtones” and “malty finish” and “caramel tones,” etc. (Which might lend some credibility to these reviews.)

I would say, “And how would you describe the appearance and smell of this beer, [your name]?” Then I could cleverly play a clip of you describing the beer — as if you were right there next to me. (Note: You’d have to send me your MP3 file without background music.)

2) Describe what the beer tastes like when it’s:
a) in your mouth
b) when you swallow it
c) and after it’s sunk in (the aftertaste).

So I could say, “[Your name], what’s it taste like in your mouth and when you first swallow this beer?” Then I could play the clip of you saying, “Well, Phillip, I detect an initial malty flavour, followed by a rather unpleasant bitterness once I swallowed it.” Then I could agree or disagree —whatever.

Wow, such lofty hopes I’m having here.

3) Say whether or not you recommend the beer, and give it a rating out of 10 if possible.

That’s it. Big things coming, folks!