May 07 2006
How To Live Long And Prosper
If you really want to live longer, then start with your attitude. Your way of thinking not only improves your outlook on life, but also how long you actually live. In 2002, researchers at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., found that optimistic people decreased their risk of early death by 50% compared with those who leaned more toward pessimism.
Oh, fuck you.
Their list:
- Don’t Oversleep
- Be optimistic
- Have more sex
- Get a pet
- Get a VAP
- Be rich
- Stop smoking
- Chill out
- Eat your antioxidants
- Marry well
- Exercise
- Laugh a little
- Lose weight
- Manage stress
- Meditate
(via Idiot World)
1. Don’t Oversleep
You get what you can get when you’re a programmer, who likes to play video games and/or has a fandamily.
2. Be optimistic
Easy for you to say, optimistic jerk.
3. Have more sex
How do you know I’m not already having it 8 times a day?
4. Get a pet
I got 2.
5. Get a VAP
What’s a vap? and… no
6. Be rich
Gee, thanks, asshole.
7. Stop smoking
I guess I better start, so I can stop and be stressed out about it all the time.
8. Chill out
If I get any more cool your head will friggin’ asplode.
9. Eat your antioxidants
Specify which ones! I take omega 3-6-9, vitamin E and eat oatmeal every day. Nobody will live longer than me, nobody.
10. Marry well
Marry well to you too! Although I’ve never heard of this holiday before, is it religious?
11. Exercise
What, sitting on the couch screaming at sports with a bag of chips on my 300lb belly doesn’t count?! Eating uses calories too ya know!
12. Laugh a little
I laugh a lot, at stupid things like this.
13. Lose weight
I’m too skinny, I’m trying to gain, jerk.
14. Manage stress
This thing is seriously stressing me.
15. Meditate
No.