SWT Reader Interview #1: Tommyboy

The J-Walk Reader Interviews appear to be over, or close to it. So in keeping with tradition, we’re stealing from J-Walk. The interview questions are from J-Walk with a few of our own thrown in for kicks and giggles. Eventually we’ll email another regular SWT reader the same questions and see what happens. Until then, it is our pleasure and honour to introduce a man who needs no introduction, because I’m too lazy to write one: Tommyboy!

How did you first hear of Steel White Table, and how long have you been reading it?

Jody told me about these devices that can connect to these wire thingies and you can communicate without a can and a string. I think that was about five years ago. But he kinda fibbed and said Steel White Table was the only thing on this netty thing. I am beginning to be suspicious.

What’s the significance of your screen name?

No significance. It is my first name with my intellectual and mental capacity tagged on.

A chocolate bar or a bag of chips?

Ridiculous! Both! And a Coke.

Basic stats: Age, sex, location, marital status, employment, etc.

41-year-old male, married, was able to reproduce and have added to a dysfunctional species two more specimens. Employed only when I have to be.

Send a copy of the weirdest photo of yourself that you can find, and describe what was going on.

Picture of me, [click to biggify] family and friends at the 2008 Santa clause parade. I am a reindeer not a Sasquatch. But I look like Big Foot.


Would you rather have Superman’s powers, or have the ability to become invisible?

Invisible, hands down. I could then roam all those porn sets uninhibited. Oh, I mean I would only use my power for the betterment of the world the planet and all humankind. Would bodily fluids be visible?

Have you ever met any of the other commenters? Would you like to?

Yes, I have met some of the commentators. I have met Rebecca here at Market and the Steel White duo I have had some passing connection with.

If you were in a witness protection program, what new name would you pick for yourself?

Something Mideastern or Italian. Something that flows like… Ricardo Montalbán. Yeah, that will do.

What other blogs to you follow?

Oh Me Nerves, J-Walk, Bits and Pieces. I’m sorry, boys. I know I said I would be faithful, and I feel dirty every time I look at those other sites. Siff-sniff. I’m so ashamed.

Who is your favourite SWT commenter (other than yourself), and why?

There are other commentators? I must put aside my narcissism for a moment. I liked Ashley and Pender. Ashley because he seemed to be viewing things from an interesting angle in an intelligent way. Pender because he was so kind and caring and his responses to others were always like a big warm cyber hug… Yeah.

What movie would you choose if you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life?

This is almost impossible to answer. I think of one then I think of another. Do I go for length, style, substance, entertainment, laughs? Jesus, I am going to go with Trading Places — laughs, sex, betrayal, camaraderie. Of course, I would have snuck a copy of Birdy on with me too. Tough question. Go with Birdy. I still like that movie after all these years.

What is your favourite type of music?

The favourite music thing… it is evolving. When I was younger my only exposure was to pop music and I enjoyed a whole spectrum of styles: Rush, Peter Gabriel, Johnny Cash, smattering of classical. I’m currently on the look out for world music stuff. I think CBC did have a series with Joey Taylor that I enjoyed. I would like to increase my knowledge of classical and other world music.

Have you ever spent any time in jail?

Nope. Earlier in my life I have spent some time in the back of a number of police cars, but either looked so pathetic or cried like a baby that I was set free. Whew.

What foods do you absolutely hate?

Tuna and Kraft Dinner. As a kid, my uncle, while lobster fishing, got a tuna caught up in some gear and dragged it home. It was only a little tuna at around 900 lbs. Frig, all I remember eating for a long time after that was tuna steaks, tuna roasts — tuna, tuna, tuna. And what was a common accompaniment to the tuna? Kraft Dinner. Eeeshhh. Growing up in the culinary tradition of the Maritimes. Tuna wrapped in baloney.

If you were to be buried when you die, what would you like to have printed on your tombstone?

This is hard, never thought of it because I am getting baked or put in an unmarked hole covered with a sheet. My first thought was, “So long and thanks for all the fish (tuna),” but I think ole Dougie may have taken that one. No idea for this.

Was there ever a SWT post that you found so offensive you temporarily stopping visiting the blog?

No. Offensive to me? Jesus, I would be frightened by the post that was able to do that.

Which celebrity would you most like to have a beer with?

Eleanor Wachtel. She is so good at what she does in terms of interviews and the people she has had the opportunity to discourse with, it is astonishing. I am in awe. I would also like to have a beer with Ron James. I just think that would be fun.

Do you wear prescription glasses?

Have ’em. Do not wear ’em.

How many different places have you lived in?

Lived in Halifax, Dartmouth and Antigonish (Nova Scotia); various locales and couches; Happy Valley-Goose Bay (Newfoundland); Toronto, London and Ottawa (Ontario); and currently residing in Owen Sound, Ontario.

What are your favourite topics covered on Steel White Table?

Favourite topic? No favourites. I am just so excited whenever there is a new post, my whole being quivers with anticipation and I feel complete in my existence.

What are your least favourite topics covered here?

The only caveat to number to the previous question is when discussing computer thingies. I am reminded of Santa’s Little Helper on The Simpsons: “…blah blah blah blah Santa’s Little Helper blah blah blah blah…”

Do you read this blog from work or at home? How many times a day?

Work and home are almost the same thing. I read it from here and there. I read it zero times a day to 10 times a day if I am working on the computer and desperate to procrastinate.

What’s your shoe size?

10 double or triple eee fat feet fat head.

What is the strangest thing you believe?

That there is goodness in our species and we will adapt from our virus-like behaviour on this planet and in our dealings with others of our race.

Pick a number between 0 and 11.

11. “Our amplifiers go to 11.”

About Phillip

Phillip Cairns is a beekeeper in St. John's, Newfoundland, who writes about beekeeping at mudsongs.org.

5 Replies to “SWT Reader Interview #1: Tommyboy”

  1. that tommyboy sure sounds like a swell guy…you people here at this blog are sure lucky to have someone like him commenting and contributing his vast knowledge and obvious superior intellect in a sharing way with you … in fact I think you should re name your blog after him and from now on when addressing him on line refer to him as if he was some form of reveared and slightly meanacing diety….thor tommy, tommy almighty or tommy the hand of god are adequate examples,….

  2. I want to thank you for adding the word “biggify” to my vocabulary. I find this blog to be very stimulating and intellectually uplifting.

    Oh yeah, Tommyboy, nice to learn more about you. I find your comments to be commentative and commentfull most times and others to be just plain commentary.

  3. Biggify is a perfectly cromulent word, by the way.

    Also, I’m not dead yet so advise your accountant to scrap his calculations regarding the ratio of shells to chicks.

  4. I surprisingly get a lot of hits from this honorable mentions! Thanks tombo!

    See, I can pretend kind and caring!

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