Growing A Soft Beard

I’ve had a goatee for about a month. I’d grow a full beard, but my whiskers don’t grow evenly on each side; my left side comes out thin, like weeds in a garden.

I’m not much of a groomer; people ask me at work if I have an important meeting when I have my hair brushed; however, this goatee business is getting annoying, defeating the purpose of being lazy about grooming; I suspect I’ll shave it off soon and go back to shaving irregularly.

Before I shave it off, though, I plan on doing some experimenting. I’d love to have a soft beard, one that’s like newly washed head hair, not like unruly pubic hair. Goatee.org didn’t have much useful advice (except I may trim it into various styles before getting rid of it). One site suggests avoiding bar soap as it will make the beard course, dull and dry. Oops. The Beard Community has this advice:

Conditioner is designed to soften the cuticle layers, so try using it on your beard. Some guys find that applying coconut oil — an ingredient in shaving cream that softens whiskers — also helps.
Wearing somewhat longer whiskers and not trimming so often would give the blunt ends time to become rounded between trims. Longer whiskers are also more flexible and thus feel softer.

There ya go.