Christopher Moore Is In England

Christopher Moore, the author of the excellent Lamb, is in England and has made some interesting observations, including:

  • The waiter will never bring the check unless you ask for it. It would be like asking you to leave. They will bring you a cot and a wubby so you can sleep well, but they won’t bring the bill.
  • English food is not as bad as they say, especially Thai.
  • Scottish people can understand you, but you cannot understand them. The only thing you know how to say in their language is, “She kinna take warp nine for long, Cap’n.”

How to Behave In An English Pub

If I ever go to England I plan on studying HOWTO: Drink like an Englishman, in an English pub:

when being served, your order should end with the word please. Once your change has been returned, a thankyou is required. Don’t embarrass the barstaff by leaving your change; if you want to tip then offer to get the bar[wo]man a drink.
Remember, gentlemen drink pints… Ordering anything other than a pint as your first few drinks will have you labelled as a big girly poof with limp wrists.