Someone’s Complaints

Things that need to BE DESTROYED, a long list of rants. Some samples:

  • People who think of french fries as a means of transporting the maximum amount of ketchup into their mouth as possible. Just use a spoon. Even if you get a nice spoon, it’s reusable, so in the long run it’s cheaper.
  • People whose houses don’t have four square feet without some sort of air freshener. You walk into their bathroom and see a Glade Plug-in. On top of the toilet tank is pot of potpourri, a scented candle and a Renuzit thing that looks like some kind of high-tech alien egg with weird blue jelly inside. The toilet paper roller has air freshener in the middle of it. On the counter are two scented candles…
  • Coffee breath. Someone explain this to me. Ground coffee smells really awesome. Brewed coffee smells pretty damn good. Coffee breath smells like fetid zombie anus. WHY?!?!?
  • The trend in corporate America where if a company increases profits 15% in one year, the best of the rank-and-file employees get a 4% raise and the upper management give themselves multimillion dollar bonuses, and when the company increases profits less than 15%, they lay hundreds of people off with the excuse that the company is in financial dire straits… and the upper management give themselves multimillion dollar bonuses claiming that they deserve it for saving the company money. “HO- HO! I’ll just put this giant heap of money on top of my other giant heaps of money! It’s the least I deserve for ruining people’s lives!”

The author isn’t fond of Canada, either.

Fresh French Fries

Rules Of Commerce Classify French Fries As Veggies:

Batter-coated french fries are a fresh vegetable, according to the Agriculture Department, which has a federal judge’s ruling to back it up.
Frozen fries are fresh simply because they don’t meet the standard necessary for them to be listed as processed, and adding batter to the fries does not change the classification…
The ketchup-as-vegetable proposal was put forward in the Reagan administration, and the department dropped the idea after it found itself not only opposed but laughed at.