The Gospel of Debbie

The Gospel of Debbie is from text…

…discovered in an ancient linen backpack found in a cave outside Jerusalem, surrounded by what appeared to be earlyRoman candy wrappers and covered with stickers reading "I [heart] All Faiths" and "Ask Me About Hell." A parchment diary found inside the backpack appears to contain the musings of one Debbie of Galilee.

An example:

I saw him in the marketplace! Everyone says that he’s the son of God, but I don’t care one way or the other because he’s just so cute!!! O.K., he’s not hot like a gladiator or a centurion, but he’s really sensitive and you can tell that he thinks about things and then goes, “Be nice to people,” and I’m like, that is so true, and I wonder if he’s seeing anyone!

(via Bifurcated Rivets)