Is it “a flu” or “the flu”?

I’m getting THE ONE AND ONLY flu after my wife has had it for almost a week.

During lunch I went to a drug store and bought some cough syrup, two boxes of tissue, and a lotto ticket.

Walking back to work I passed a group of young women smoking at the back of the office building where I worked, and I thought, If only they didn’t smoke. If only what, Jody?! What?! You’re a 36 year old, shy, in-the-midst-of-a-mid-life-crisis fool. Okay, I admit it: I wouldn’t have done anything 20 years ago either.

I’m going get in trouble if my wife reads this.