Parents Are So Stupid

Calvin banging nails into coffee table

I walked into the bathroom today and found nine bars of soap stacked around the sink. Nine. I then see the wrapping on the floor from the Costco-size package of soaps we had.

Me yelling out: Caitlyn, what’s with all soap here?!
Caitlyn: What, Dad?
Me: Soap! Is someone REALLY dirty? Did you unwrap all this soap?
Caitlyn: Oh. Yup. It was just sitting there.

I should create a blog just for the stuff my kids come up with. For those new to the area, here are some highlights:

I Thought My Son Was Dead

Our 18 month old son sleeps in our bed. It’s easier to put him back to sleep when he’s with us, after he wakes up from his crib during the night. We have the bed against a wall so he won’t fall off; that’s the side he usually sleeps; however, he’s an active sleeper, sitting up in his sleep, crawling over his mom to get near me.

Four photos of Jody and Iain

Last night I woke up and it was too quiet in the room. I could sense my son sleeping beside me, but couldn’t hear him, couldn’t feel any movement – no breathing. A sense of urgency gripped me and I blindly reached around to locate him, feeling for his chest to detect the expected up-and-down rhythm: there was none. I shook him, and he stirred and started crying. After *I* started breathing again, I consoled him back to sleep. I then had to get up and distract myself to get the hellish what-ifs out of my head. I think in my groggy state I didn’t give myself enough time to detect his movement nor to listen to him breathing; I must’ve woken from a bad dream that disoriented me.

That’s the second time that’s happened. I’m going to start sleeping on the couch. I never worried about this shit with our daughter.

Swallowing An “AAA” Battery

iain almost standingI got a 5am call this morning (I’m in Flint, Michigan again) from my wife: our 12 month old son may have swallowed an AAA battery. He was playing with a remote that took 3 AAA batteries, when she noticed the battery cover was off. She took the remote from him but she could only find 2 batteries. It’s an old remote, so there may have been only 2 in it, and she looked everywhere for the 3rd but couldn’t find it. So, 1) He swallowed the 3rd battery; 2) The 3rd battery fell out and hasn’t been found; 3) There is no 3rd battery.

batteriesMy initial thought was there is no way he could’ve swallowed one. He would’ve gagged because it’s so long (she was near him the whole time), and I doubt his small throat could even get it down. I googled swallow aaa battery and didn’t find anything helpful. He isn’t showing symptoms that anything is wrong; no choking, no vomiting, no crying… he’s acting normal.

In any case, he’s being taken to the hospital, just in case.

It’s hard not to feel guilty about these type of incidents. You ensure your house is baby-proof, keeping small objects off the floor; electrical outlets are blocked; stairs have gates; cupboards are locked. You’d give your own life for your child’s. But shit happens.

I’ll post updates as comments.

A Conversation with my Three Year Old Daughter

Dawn went to a late movie last night. This morning Caitlyn walked into the living room after waking up, where Dawn was. Here’s the conversation they had:

Caitlyn: Mom, you’re back!
Dawn: Yeah! Good morning!
Caitlyn: Did you have a good time?
Dawn: Yes I did! Gail and I had fun. Did you have fun with Dad last night?
Caitlyn: Yeah! I woke up and Dad helped me pee. And we read a story. Can we have corn-on-the-cob for supper?