How To Live Long And Prosper

15 Ways To Live Longer:

If you really want to live longer, then start with your attitude. Your way of thinking not only improves your outlook on life, but also how long you actually live. In 2002, researchers at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., found that optimistic people decreased their risk of early death by 50% compared with those who leaned more toward pessimism.

Oh, fuck you.

Their list:

  1. Don’t Oversleep
  2. Be optimistic
  3. Have more sex
  4. Get a pet
  5. Get a VAP
  6. Be rich
  7. Stop smoking
  8. Chill out
  9. Eat your antioxidants
  10. Marry well
  11. Exercise
  12. Laugh a little
  13. Lose weight
  14. Manage stress
  15. Meditate

(via Idiot World)

I Love My Job!

I wrote my mom today:

At work we have a deadline in 2 weeks, so everyone’s working overtime to get it done. That means I have to work nights and weekends, as consistently as possible for the next 2-4 weeks.
I wish I didn’t have to bring work home.

My mom replied:

so, i am sure this will cause stress on the relationships with your wife and your children – because they all NEED you!
regardless, you need regular rest and relaxation and nourishment or you will get sick again – by the way, you don’t look good – skin and bones, serious and stressed, and not exactly a happy camper. BUT that is only MY impression-you probably are fat, lighthearted, relaxed, and one happy camper! I hope so!

I think she’s being sarcastic.

Eating Air

The Breatharian Institute Of America:

Breatharianism is relative to the breathing of air for food.

The Breatharian needs air and Sunlight only, and nothing more to sustain his body.

The world is flooded with books on food and eating. No one seems to realize that eating is not natural, but an acquired habit, like smoking and drinking, and that FRESH CLEAN AIR is the Cosmic Reservoir of all things, including the substance that builds and sustains the human body.

No joke. Wikipedia has an entry about Breatharian:

… there is no accepted scientific evidence for any of the claims put forward by the breatharians. The only breatharian to undergo scrutiny — Ellen Greve, on Australia’s 60 Minutes — became ill and bowed out after a few days without food or water, citing stress and pollution as the cause for her symptoms.