Urinal Etiquette

urinal etiquetteThe urinals at my workplace are MUCH too close together; so close that most people (including me) won’t use one if someone is using the other; I’ll go to a toilet stall instead.

This brings to mind some rules of urinal etiquette from my own experience and The International Center for Bathroom Etiquette:

  • Look at the wall in front of you. Not your neighbor, your dick, or anything else – the bare wall in front of you (which reminds me: I’d love to have reading material pasted on the wall. I saw it done at a restaurant once).
  • Don’t talk to your neighbor.
  • If your neighbor talks or you feel you have to, grunt or use one syllable words only.
  • Don’t stand too far away from the urinal. No one cares how long you are.
  • Don’t stand too close to the urinal. No one cares how short you are.
  • Keep your elbows close to your body so there’s no chance of brushing your neighbor.
  • If the urinals are so close that that you accidentally touch your neighbor, pretend it never happened.
  • Don’t make any moaning sounds of relief while urinating. It isn’t funny unless you’re drunk.
  • Wash (not just rinse) your hands afterwards.

The Bathroom Etiquette for the Workplace article is useful. Most of it is common sense though.