How to talk Kewl, part one of a two part thoughtful essay:
Let us take you on a journey through the history of internet language (‘e-speak’) and the reasons why you should be ashamed to use it, ROFLMAO!!
The author is…
trying to figure out why someone can speak so eloquently, and obviously have a refined intellect in person — and then voluntarily reduce himself to speaking like a moron as soon as his Buddy List pops up. Very intelligent people typing like third graders. An attitude that once you’re behind the semi-anonymous mask of a screen name, your actions no longer represent you. So I’m going to think out loud (TOL) a bit.
Internet shorthand acronyms are really just a logical and extensive addition to the already huge number in common use throughout the speaking world: ASAP, RSVP, AWOL, XYZ. In that way, I feel that they are often acceptable — and in fact useful.
It’s when the internet gained popular appeal that this all became a) a rampant phenomenon with everyday people; b) a written dialect of its own; c) very, very irritating to me.
U instead of You. Two blinking keystrokes. Two. They are all within four keys of each other. Look at them. They’re right there. All for the purpose of efficiency. Two keystrokes separating the images of educated and ‘lame.’ Is the convenience worth it? I’m not buying it. It has to be something else, something deeper-rooted socially, a monkey-see-monkey-do deal. Maybe it’s terrorists. When confronted with it, people don’t even really know why they type this way. They have seen other people doing it, other people who are assumedly “more experienced” with the internet and its largely unwritten rules and etiquette. People, as you’ve heard millions of times, want to be accepted, to fit in, to look like they’re ‘in’. They type ‘u’ instead of ‘you’ and type ‘LOL’ instead of ‘haha’ because that’s just the way it’s done, and who really cares? Just go with the flow. 50 million Elvis fans, and all that.
Ranked 39,201 on amazon.com: How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?
First read the book’s description, then read the reviews. Here’s one reviewer’s comments:
I actually bought the damn book
In a flurry of humor, depression, and morbid curiosity, I actually went and bought this damn book. […] Its method for combating depression is something that I have yet to even consider trying, but as a general humor book, this is probably one of the funniest and most bizarre reads you’ll encounter. I still randomly open to a page, read it, and feel better about whatever the heck was bringing me down in the first place. Get this book for comedy, not for advice.
how i know i’m warped, a blog entry about trying to figure out the humor in the cartoon above.
I laughed at both the cartoon and the author’s essay.
Coffins too boring for you? How about a tomb? An Egyptian tomb! EternityTravel.com:
We give the discerning, God(s)-fearing ancient Egyptian consumer the tools and information to plan for a safe, speedy, comfortable trip to the afterlife. Here on EternityTravel.com, you can:
– rent or buy the perfect tomb
– schedule reliable mummification services
– purchase a quality mummy case
– and order all the necessary Eternity Extras
– all in a few easy steps, with no lines or waiting!
The Forgotten Technology:
…many times I had to improvise on tools that were not at hand in order to get the job done.
At one of these times, about 12 years ago, I had to remove some 1200 lb. saw cut concrete blocks from an existing floor. The problem was that we did not have a machine that could reach some of the blocks. The only obvious answer was to break the blocks into smaller pieces with a sledgehammer and load them into a wheelbarrow. To me, this seemed to be too much labor at the time, so I improvised.
He uses no special tools to move massive amounts of stone and concrete:
… working alone [I] could easily move a 2400 lb. block 300 ft. per hour with little effort, and a 10,000 lb. block at 70 ft. per hour. I also stood two 8 ft. 2400 lb. blocks on end and placed another 2400 lb. block on top. This took about two hours per block. I found that one man, working by himself, without the use of wheels, rollers, pulleys, or any type of hoisting equipment could perform the task.
I think he’s going to build some pyramids or something.