Disabling The Abled

CRAB = Currently Regarded as Able Bodied, a phrase used by disabled people to describe idiots in The Attack Survival Guide:

When a [person] with a disability speaks up about the was she feels when treated rudely, a Currently Regarded as Able Bodied (CRAB) person labels her feelings “wrong” and advises her to approach the rude person. That way, the CRAB can use the contact as an opportunity to perpetuate more of the same sad stereotypes we’re so tired of battling.

The object of the game: manipulate and exploit all CRAB attack situations to obtain maximum points.

Examples (quoted from website):

  • Intrusive Questions: How did you get that wheelchair? – “It started as a wart on my ass” is effective, but “I stole it from some guy at the grocery store but don’t say anything because it’s a lot of fun” works quite well too. Score one point for every second they don’t respond.
  • “What happened to you?” – This is where you really get a chance to shine. Make it SPECTACULAR.. and as long and as detailed as you possibly can. Score one point for every second you keep them hanging. Score an additional 25 points if they walk away in mid-sentence.
  • Staring – Immediately upon detecting the offending starer, begin darting furtively between parked cars, all the while moving closer and closer. Every so often, pretend your watch is a communicator and speak into it. Whatever you do, DO NOT LAUGH – it ruins the entire effect. Score 10 points if you make them run away. Score 25 points if you make it withing five feet of the starer and score 50 points if you make contact in any way.

And you’ve won…

…if you make it home without strangling anyone who thinks our being in public is an opportunity to rudely invade our privacy.

(Thanks, Scott)

2 Replies to “Disabling The Abled”

  1. How many points do you get for getting run over by a car cause you can’t turn your head to look both ways before crossing the street?

    JOKES!

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