Fred May Have Cancer

Fred and JahFred’s the cat on the left. She (yes, she) has a large lump on a leg between her foot and knee that’s hard as bone, but it’s where a bone shouldn’t be. I took her to the vet where they said she’d need x-rays ($86) and maybe bloodwork ($148). It cost $49 for the 10 minute visit today. Not that the money matters.

I’m not a cat person. I like dogs. I like to see dogs chase cats. Not eat them or anything, just chase them. We had a dog but it was a big wimp as Fred used to chase it. Fred isn’t a friendly cat, but still, she’s been around for over 10 years, so you kinda get attached to things, even if you’ve been scooping their piss and shit for that long.

So tomorrow we’re going to find out if Fred has cancer or something. I told my four year old daughter about her:

“Fred went to the vet today. She maybe sick and die soon.”
“Fred’s a boy, Dad.”
“No, she just has a boy’s name.”
“But she’s a girl, like I am.”
“Some girls have boy names and some boys have girl names. Like Jody. That can be a girl’s name.”
“But you’re a boy.”
“Right. Wanna get a bath now?”

11 Replies to “Fred May Have Cancer”

  1. $150 for “bloodwork”? For a CAT? For THAT cat?

    It might look real nice and cuddly in the picture, but it ain’t. That %$#@! thing hisses and swipes at half the people who walk in the house. A giant poisonous cactus in the middle of the living room is easier to be around than that thing.

    Still, I hope it’s okay. Cancer sucks no matter how you look at it.

  2. The vet says they still don’t know what it is. He gave me three options:

    1. Do nothing.
    2. Take a biopsy, costing $150 (not that the money matters).
    3. Have surgery to remove the lump, costing $300 (not that the money matters).

    I couldn’t get hold of my wife, so I choose Option 1; we ain’t rich. Yeah, if it was a dog I’d do it, but it ain’t a dog.

  3. I bet if i tell my fiance (who had cancer) that you are losing your cat to cancer, she would let me give you one of ours! Please Jody, take our cat!!

  4. That reminds me, Jody, if Fred’s on the way out, please resist the tempation to get another cat so the other cat doesn’t feel so lonely. Or if you do, let ME pick out the cat for you. I’m serious. I think I have a better eye for friendly animals. Like I said, a cactus is more friendly than Fred, but still, something with a bit of personality for a change wouldn’t hurt. That IF you have to get another cat.

  5. single cats tend to destroy all your worldly belongings when left alone every day during work hours.

    i’m still bitter about my brand new couch getting destroyed because the little bitch was lonely!

  6. Fred’s home now, costing us $341 (not that the money matters). They tried to sell us: 1) getting blood work done ($140), 2) Getting a biopsy, and 3) The operation. Again. And she has fleas, so she needs shit to fix that, too.

    Chris: I don’t want your fucking cat.

  7. They must assume you’re out of you mind. It seems that the smaller the animal, the more they think you’ll pay. Which, when I think of everyone I know who owns a lapdog, makes a lot of sense. Not that money matters.

  8. Take chris’ cat, you’ll LOVE the way it pisses in the clean laundry. Hollywood’s cat does the same, and I love it so much because of it! Nothin’ says lovin’ like wearing animal waste! (I should email Pop ‘N’ Fresh with that one!)

  9. She’s okay, but if her quality of life suffers and we can’t afford to fix her up, we’ll kill her (i.e. have her “put down”).

  10. Fred’s being euthanized this Monday, March 31. Fred’s not a friendly cat, but when you lived with a pet for almost 15 years, it’s hard.

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