Dirty Jokes From the Rich And Famous

Quint’s Top 10 Favorite Dirty Jokes, pulled from over 8 years of interviews!!! has some dirty jokes told during interviews with actors, including George Clooney and Elijah Wood. Here are a few (I edited some for easier reading):

From Jude Law:

A guy has a boil on his ass. He goes to his GP, his doctor, and the doctor says, “There’s nothing I can do. I’m gonna refer you to a private doctor. It looks to me like you should go, because this thing could get infected.” So, he goes to this private doctor and the private doctor looks and says, “Gee, there’s nothing that I can do. This thing is out of control, but I know this specialist you should go to.” He refers him to this specialist. The specialist has a look. The specialist is appalled. He says, “OK. There’s nothing I can do, but I can refer you to this one guy who I think might be able to help you” and he writes the name down.
The guy follows this address. It takes him down to these docks. He’s wandering around these docks and he finds this old wooden door with a name. It says on the front “Peter Puss-sucker.” He opens it up and there’s this guy in there who has one tooth. He says, “Let me have a look.” The guy pulls down his pants and there’s this huge boil on his ass. He says, “That’s fine. Bend over. What I’m going to do is bite into this boil and I’m gonna suck out the poison… It’s the only thing we can do.”
So, he bends over and the guy bites into it and is sucking the poison out. The guy can’t help it, he farts in his face. Pete stands up and says, “Jesus, man! Blokes like you make this job disgusting!!!”

From Laura Harris:

There’s this gorilla and he’s really, really, really horny. He really has to get laid. And he’s looking around and there’s no female gorillas around, so he’s just walking around the forest. His hard-on is just fuckin’ ripping him up. He’s blue-ballin’ it all the way through the forest until he sees this lion bending over to get a drink of water and he just runs up behind the lion and fucking nails him up the ass, gets off and runs away. The lion is all, “What!?!?!?” So he turns around and starts running after the fucking gorilla. The gorilla is like running really fast. He’s looking through the trees, looking for a place to get away, to escape, but he can’t find one. There are no trees tall enough and the lion’s just gonna fucking kick his ass. He’s still a head, though because it took the lion a while to figure out what went on.
So the gorilla gets to this human camp, runs into a ten, picks up a newspaper and puts it in front of him, puts it in front of his face. The lion runs into the tent and says, “Have you seen a gorilla that just passed this way?” And the gorilla goes, with the newspaper still covering his face, he goes: “You mean the gorilla that just fucked you up the ass?” And the lion says, “Oh, no! It’s in the papers already!”

2 Replies to “Dirty Jokes From the Rich And Famous”

  1. I didn’t laugh at either of those. This one is sort of okay though.

    GEORGE CLOONEY: A guy is in a bar. He’s so drunk he throws up all over himself. He tells the bartender, “What am I doing? When I go home my wife’s going to kill me…” The bartender puts twenty dollars in his shirt pocket and says, “Go home and tell your wife you were in a bar and a guy came up… he was drunk, threw up all over you, but put $20 in your shirt pocket.” He goes home, walks in and his wife says, “Look at you. You threw up all over yourself!” He goes, “Honey, a guy got drunk and threw up on me and he put $20 in my shirt pocket.” She reaches in and pulls out $40 and says, “What’s the other $20 for?” He says, “He shit in my pants, too!”

  2. heard a joke today and I managed to remember it …I normally do not

    what did hitler and terri fox have in common?

    neither could finish off a race

    I know..I am only monderatly, actually hardly at all famous…but then again it is reflected in the joke…

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