Urinal Etiquette

urinal etiquetteThe urinals at my workplace are MUCH too close together; so close that most people (including me) won’t use one if someone is using the other; I’ll go to a toilet stall instead.

This brings to mind some rules of urinal etiquette from my own experience and The International Center for Bathroom Etiquette:

  • Look at the wall in front of you. Not your neighbor, your dick, or anything else – the bare wall in front of you (which reminds me: I’d love to have reading material pasted on the wall. I saw it done at a restaurant once).
  • Don’t talk to your neighbor.
  • If your neighbor talks or you feel you have to, grunt or use one syllable words only.
  • Don’t stand too far away from the urinal. No one cares how long you are.
  • Don’t stand too close to the urinal. No one cares how short you are.
  • Keep your elbows close to your body so there’s no chance of brushing your neighbor.
  • If the urinals are so close that that you accidentally touch your neighbor, pretend it never happened.
  • Don’t make any moaning sounds of relief while urinating. It isn’t funny unless you’re drunk.
  • Wash (not just rinse) your hands afterwards.

The Bathroom Etiquette for the Workplace article is useful. Most of it is common sense though.

7 Replies to “Urinal Etiquette”

  1. Etiquette rules apply to stalls as well as urinals.

    I remember once at work this gentlemen who works with me (to protect the innocent, I’ll just call him Jody) came into the bathroom while I was in there. I was in a stall attempting to finish up some paperwork when he started having a conversation with me. I politely answered a couple of his questions before I finally asked if we could schedule another time, and preferably place, when I would be a little less distracted, thus allowing me to pay due attention to his concerns.

    At least I hope he was talking to me and not just on a phone call!

  2. > I remember once at work

    I remember that. I don’t remember you asking to talk later, though. I even think you asked me to bring ya a cup of coffee, which I slid under the stall door!

    Yeah.

  3. If no one cares if you are long or short then what difference does it make about how close or far away you stand? Are you trying to imply that men are not curious? OH! Believe me…many of us are curious but would be embarrassed to death should we be caught trying to sneak a peek. That’s why ALL restrooms with urinals should have dividing barriers between them, tall ones that can’t be peered over by an exceptionally tall individual. If you are proud of your package and bold enough to display it openly in an appropriate environment, other men WILL look and take mental notes and some may or may not envy how you are endowed as compared to their own equipment.
    That’s funny…If you touch or are touched by someone accidentally while using a urinal…NO! It’s nonsense. If you are touching another or are touched by another during that situation, believe me…it was no accident.
    Did you ever notice? Some guys use both hands while standing at a urinal. Have you ever seen one and wondered why? Are they holding the zipper area back against their body just to make sure they don’t pee on themselves…OR are they so long and proud that they are holding the shaft with both hands to keep the monster under control and still have some left over to stick out so they don’t pee on their fingers? I wish someone would do some in-depth researching and reporting on this topic. I’m sure it would be worth a great many guffaws and good old belly laughs during the viewing of it. I recall an old joke about the exact scenario involving peeping at one another. One guy took a peek at his neighbor and said “Man! I wish I could hold mine in one hand like that and take a piss just the way you are. The other fellow looked over at him and said “Well…it looks to me like you are doing just that. And with that, the first guys says “Yeah! But I’m pissing on three of them.”

  4. Good observations, Clarence! I considered including the one hand/two hand topic, but I figured the post was far enough down the toilet already.

    HAHAHAHAHA

  5. must add this…do not pinch your foreskin (uncircumsised), urinate causeing your foreskin to balloon up and then threaten others with your urine blast….this may be something relavent in the etiquette list…….

    witnessed this in my youth as a lifeguard…I only remember the guy as “Nick the Trick”, he played water polo and was from somewhere in NFLD….

    it was kinda a neat trick…since witnessing this i have never forgiven my parents ….

    Hey how old is pender….mayby we have met….

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