Will I See You in Hell?

LIFE IS HELLI inadvertently made fun of a mentally challenged person today. I’m going to burn in Hell. Or — assuming my ticket to The Big H was waiting for me already, which is a fairly safe assumption — one of those deeper, more painful inner circles of Hell. (I would imagine The Eagles Greatest Hits CD plays there non-stop.)

How about you? Are you going to hell? Tell me why.

I’m interested because I’d like to know who to avoid once I get there.

About Phillip

Phillip Cairns is a beekeeper in St. John’s, Newfoundland, who writes about beekeeping at mudsongs.org.

9 Replies to “Will I See You in Hell?”

  1. Am I going to hell? I dunno. Have I been told to go to hell? Hell yes.

    My RSS feed showed me Jody’s comment first… so I was coming to this post with comments regarding memories of harming animals. Once I steered my car towards a bunch of pigeons on the road (someone had thrown bird seed there). I was fully expecting them all to fly away, but one or two didn’t quite make it. I felt like shit. Other animals I’ve hit with vehicles were purely accidental, so no bad feelings. A cat, a couple of crows, a mink (or weasel or something), a seagull (that was spectacular)…

    On the mentally challenged note, I’ve been there, Phil… and I feel AWFUL for this one… back in college we all gathered around one day after finishing an easy lab and went round table with jokes. We all took turns and it was a laugh. Back then, jokes didn’t flow through the internet like today, so it was actually a social event to take part in telling jokes. After a while, the jokes were harder to come by so I dug deep and found mentally challenged joke (something about trying to buy ice-cream without enough money). This joke always worked for me before, but this time NOBODY laughed. Apparently, I was the only one who didn’t know that Michelle, one of the nicest people in the class, had a brother who was severely mentally retarded. I would have gladly taken a spot in hell to take back my stupid joke.

    There’s plenty of other reasons I’m going to hell, but I won’t admit to them here.

  2. Your a terrible person Steve. What was the joke?

    My sister-in-law sent me a retarded joke and her son is severely mentally challenged. Do I go to hell for laughing, or does she go to hell for sending it?

  3. I called a 12-year old a bastard while I was working on the weekend, once he was out of earshot; however, there were other people around. He’s a manipulative little twerp, and he needs constant watching or he’ll rip you off, but calling him that was inappropriate.

  4. I’m going to hell because I didn’t go to Kerrville this year to see Danny Schmidt take his rightful place among the 6 winners of the New Folk thingie:

  5. i think when you are elected as a municipal politition there is something about this destination at your oath of office ceremony…i think….i hate the heat..mayby i could ask for an arctic hell….

  6. I make fun of kids all the time, I say “hey jesepi, look at the ugly kid” with an italian accent. I also call them f***ers.

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