Animated preachingLast Sunday afternoon while getting ready for supper, the doorbell rang. Most people who visit us simply knock on the door and walk in, so hearing the doorbell ring is usually a warning that a sales-person is trying to hock their wares.

I open the door and see two young, smiling women, one with a bad complextion, the other with a beautiful one. Maybe they’re selling an acne cure, showing the before and after effects?

“Hello, we’re from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints”.

Holy shit. What do I do?! In 2 seconds I juggle my options:

  1. Scream in horror while slamming the door shut.
  2. Laugh and close the door.
  3. Reply with “I thought you were going to sell me an acne cream.”
  4. Pretend to be interested as a mission of research for Steel White Table.

Instead of doing any of those, I smiled back and just said “Oh?” That threw them off guard.

“Uh, well… yeah!”, she said, probably surprised I didn’t slam the door in their faces. “We’re hear to deliver the word of Christ. Are you familiar with his message?”

That’s the most I could take. I said “I’m not interested. See ya”, and politely shut the door on them.

What a thankless job. I hope Jesus pays them a lot.

Next time I’ll have to pick something from How To Get Rid of Door-To-Door Missionaries.


  1. DUDE! if she’s HOT, she can talk about jesus all she wants, as long as i’m allowed to stare at her tits while she does it!

    but the acne cream comment woulda done the job for sure!

  2. Hey! Do you know how long it took me to write that drivel?! Minutes! That’s right!

    No appreciation for work I put into this site. None at all. (mumble, grumble…)

  3. One word of christ is a whole message? Man, that guy’s better than socrates for condensing things. Praise jesus for his mad skillz!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.