Add Five Words – Part 2

After one week and 63 five-word comments, here’s how the Add Five Words collaborative story has worked out:

Just when Albert thought he found his lost car keys, a cat landed on his keyboard. It caused a glitch, not unlike what happens when you accidentally put your hand in your pants to scratch an inch. I mean itch.

Then he looked up at what appeared to be a butterfly outside his window caught in a web. The spider considered its options and then quickly spun its web, for it saw a dumb human with a banjo tied to branches from the tree on fire. “Stupid humans,” thought the spider. “Why can’t they be more like Jody, introspective, intelligent, and Web-savvy.”

Suddenly, the spider got squished by a large flatulent llama nick named Osama, who it turns out is rather fond of Taco Bell, except for the nauseating smell.

Meanwhile, Albert finished his coffee, oblivious to the meteorite that was inching ever closer to The Joey Lawrence Educational Institute (JLEI), best known for its classes on celebrity impressions.

“Woooh!” Albert now had the runs, not unlike semi-settled Jello (yum), as he rushed to the public swimming pool by mistake. Did he remember to bring his bathing trunks? You never know about Albert. He could juggle five chainsaws, yet couldn’t even remember where he lived.

Albert was a man of enormous appetites, both culinary and of collecting RuPaul trading cards, much like his friend, Jim Nabors, whom he met when he uttered, “Well Golllleeee,” on the Miramichi, where he had, after an arduous struggle, caught David Adams Richards’s grandfather’s salmon with a hook fashioned from the splintered shin bone of a screaming hairy armadillo. Nevertheless, considering how this story began, Albert felt smug, knowing that consuming 7 hamburger daiquiris daily, he would find his keys!

However, this method of madness brought on feelings of remorse and sadness. Life for him had become satiated, physically, but he was spiritually empty. Romance is what he needed. Consequently…

And that’s all she wrote… so far. The comments feature on the original post has been disabled. Feel free to continue the story in the comments for this post. (Comments about the story can made made under the discussion post.) For those who don’t know about the Add Five Words story, here’s the deal:

Each comment for this post should contain exactly five words, and those five words should flow from the previous five words. The result will be a collaborative story. You can post any number of comments, but you may not post two comments in a row, and it’s best to keep it to one comment per day. The most recent five words added to the story are:

he relieved the flatulence built…

Read the completed story: It Is Accomplished.

About Phillip

Phillip Cairns is a beekeeper in St. John's, Newfoundland, who writes about beekeeping at

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