Claw Hammer Honey

Clawhammer HoneyJohn Walkenbach is giving away an old computer. He said, “Leave a comment here and tell me what you would do with this computer if you won it. The ‘best’ entry will win it.” I told him I’d send him a few bottles of a special limited edition all-natural honey from my first bee hive this year. The label on the bottles would look something like this.

I haven’t built my bee hive yet (I’m building it today) and I won’t know for a few weeks if I can get bees early enough to have a honey harvest this year. But if it does happen — and I win the computer — I’ll send John as much as I can spare. Even if I don’t win the computer, I’ll just put my name on the label and keep the “Claw Hammer Honey” name. That’s an ingenious name for a brand of honey. I’d buy it.

UPDATE #1: We built our first bee hive today.

UPDATE #2: For the record, this is what I said I’d do if I won the computer: “If I win the computer, I will name him Johnny. I will then make Johnny my slave and use him, with the help of Excel, to calculate how much honey I can produce in my first honey bee hive this summer. Provided the calculations are correct, at the end of the season I will bottle my honey harvest under a commemorative limited edition label, Walkenbach’s Special, and send a couple bottles to Arizona. Next year, I’ll send twice as much.”

UPDATE #3: I didn’t win. And he more or less chose the winner randomly? As Clay Davis would says, “She it.” I can’t believe it. I am stunned. What was the point in trying to bribe him? And I told a half decent story to boot. I feel like a crest-fallen sidekick in an old cafĂ©. I don’t know how John is going to make this up to me, but it better be good. Real good.

About Phillip

Phillip Cairns is a beekeeper in St. John's, Newfoundland, who writes about beekeeping at

2 Replies to “Claw Hammer Honey”

  1. For a minute, put yourself in my shoes (size 11, US). How was I (you) to determine a winner? The pressure was unbearable. I couldn’t sleep at night. Thousands (I mean dozens) of loyal readers — all thinking they deserve my POS computer, So I copped out and left it to random chance. You would have done the same thing. Again, put yourself in my shoes (size 11, US).

    Send me some honey anyway. I’ll send you something in return. What size is your head?

  2. I was going to send you some honey anyway. (With the proper label on it, too, which has been restored to its original glory.)

    Now I’m just waiting to see if I can get any bees this year. There are only two bee keepers in Newfoundland, and only one of them MIGHT be able to supply with me some starter bees this year.

    I’ll keep you apprised.

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