It appears the inevitable has happened: Canadians Authorities Arrest U.S. President Bush On War Charges:
Canadian authorities have arrested US president George W. Bush in Ottawa. He has been charged with several offences under Canada’s War Crimes Act. Vice-President Dick Cheney has mobilized the American military and all border crossings between the two nations have closed. Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin has urged for calm in a short radio and television broadcast to the Canadian people immediately after the arrest.
A Britney Spears concert which had been scheduled to occur this evening in Ottawa has been postponed. A spokesman for the entertainer said that Ms. Spears was concerned for the President’s wife and two daughters. The spokesman also said that Ms. Spears would be praying for the president.
Man, did we “polite” Canadians fool them!
At New York’s Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. He also said he thinks the man was out to “teach somebody a lesson”.
“Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,” Ashcroft said, “They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.
They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves a ‘unknowns’, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘there are 3 sides to every triangle’.”
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”
(via Unca Harlan’s Art Deco Dining Pavilion)