The Da Vinci Code Almost Sucks

The Da Vinci Code book coverThe Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown has been on every bestsellers’ list forever, raising controversy about its plot and subject matter.

It’s about a fella who studies symbols, getting involved with a murder mystery while trying to decipher a code left by the victim, a code about Jesus’ genealogy.

There are lots of “facts” in the books (list derived from various sources) (spoiler warning):

  • Nothing in Christianity is original. The pre-Christian God Mithras “called the Son of God and the Light of the World” was born on December 25, died, was buried in a rock tomb, and then resurrected in three days. By the way, December 25 is also the birthday of Osiris, Adonis, and Dionysus. The newborn Krishna was presented with gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Even Christianity’s holy day was stolen from the pagans.
  • More than eighty gospels were considered for the New Testament, and yet only a relative few were chosen for inclusion. The Bible as we know it today was collated by the pagan Roman Emperor Constantine the Great.
  • “legend tells us the Holy Grail is a chalice – a cup. But the Grail’s description as a chalice is actually an allegory to protect the true nature of the Holy Grail.” The Grail is literally the ancient symbol for womanhood and the Holy Grail represents the sacred feminine and the goddess, which of course has now been lost, virtually eliminated by the Church.

It’s a quick, simple read with interesting theories. I recommend it for Michael Crichton and similar thriller fans. I tried a couple of Brown’s earlier novels and they sucked.

20 Replies to “The Da Vinci Code Almost Sucks”

  1. da vinci code actually does suck. it’s a watered-down rip-off of a very good and interesting book called The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco, who, unlike the author of this book, is quite talented.

  2. Roger Ebert (from

    That I have read the book is not a cause for celebration. It is inelegant, pedestrian writing in service of a plot that sets up cliff-hangers like clockwork, resolves them with improbable escapes and leads us breathlessly to a disappointing anticlimax. I should read a potboiler like The Da Vinci Code every once in a while, just to remind myself that life is too short to read books like The Da Vinci Code.

  3. There are no theories in the da Vinci Code, Its a work of fiction, and a bad one at that. How many Goddamned times can A man write the word “grinned” in 500 pages???

  4. Saw “The Da Vinci Code” tonight. Tom Hanks is so dreamy. It is not a good movie. Jenny and I laughed during most of the big moments. Funny that it was entertaining because it was so lame.

    It’s a joke that the Catholic church — or any rational, intelligent person — would take this movie (or the book) seriously. 6/10.

  5. You really found it that bad? It was way ****ing better than National Treasure. I found the ending corny like it was in the book. Actually, cornier. Overall I don’t think it was that bad. Actually, I found it accurate to the book. So, if you thought the book was shit, then you will think the movie is shit too.

  6. National Treasure isn’t a good movie either, but it was also so lame it was entertaining. The whole movie (The Da Vinci Code) shows Tom Hanks and the professor guy extrapolating bare bone facts to the most far-fetched conclusions, exactly like Nicholas Cage in National Treasure. Not that I’d recommend either of these movies, but if I had to pick one, I’d pick National Treasure because there are more explosions and gun fights, and there’s no chance of anyone taking it seriously.

  7. It’s a movie bases on ‘fun facts’ and ‘did you know.’ A lot of the theories in the Da Vinci Code I had heard about way before the Da Vinci code, probably from Holy Blood, Holy Grail but at least we have heard of those theories before and it is actually something to play towards. National Treasure was about 200 year old American history and who gives a shit about that. The constitution was written on paper that I probably wipe my ass with in the toilet stalls here at work. Plus Nicolas Cage falls under the “Sucks Ass” category.

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