What Do You Want For Christmas?

Christopher Moore, author of Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal and other amusing novels, posted An Old Child’s Letter to Santa, listing what he wants for Christmas this year. Some of his items:

– Immediately strike dumb and deaf any stupid motherfucker who thinks that by wanting to keep the troops from getting killed, I am not supporting the motherfucking troops.

– When you deliver anything made by Apple, please leave a DVD with instruction about how Apple is a company, which, like any other company, is in business to make money. You can like your stuff without making it a religion. I like my toaster, I don’t need to evangelize for my toaster. I don’t need to degrade anyone else’s toaster to like my toaster. And if I ask someone how to fix my toaster, “Buy a toaster like mine,” is not a helpful answer. Santa, I am a Mac user, but I’m really embarrassed by the smugness of many Mac users.

– If you can’t do all the other stuff, please bring me a red Ipod Nano with all the Evil Dead movies and the AC/DC albums on it.

I’d like The Oxford English Dictionary, which I’ve ALWAYS wanted. Not the Compact or DVD versions, nor the Shorter and Concise versions, but the big-ass 20 volume edition. Only $2000 Canadian. Someday. Oh, and I’d like peace, love, blah, blah, blah…

One Reply to “What Do You Want For Christmas?”

  1. …please make a law that says nobody is allowed to start selling Christmas crap until December 1st…

    I especially liked the wording on points 1 and 2. Especially 2.

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